Parents hope and support their child to grow into an intellectual personality. But in this process, we are faced with financial or emotional problems, because parents are also incomplete like any human being. As a reward, the expectation of the child becomes higher, especially the parents who are perfectionist tendency. However, perfectionism is dangerous because it can cause great stress in interaction. What are the side effects that perfectionism brings?
Signs of perfectionism
Most perfection care parents have already achieved some success in their careers, and expectations and standards are very high. And I can not be satisfied with this kind of tendency as it is in the child's care. In addition, I am worried that my child will grow into an obstacle to his or her life.
The biggest symptom is that the child blames and criticizes himself if he does not succeed. He constantly compares himself with other parents and criticizes himself, feeling that he is lagging behind. He also rebukes himself that the child can not do better. All of this is due to high expectations for the child, which ultimately leads to a level at which he can not control his feelings.
This is the most common reason for parents to expect more from their children, because they want their children to succeed in their own lives. In addition, there is some connection to the tendency of working mothers to try out all these and other things and to get stressed. In fact, according to one survey, about 80% of working women were stressed that they had to complete everything. 79% felt they were lagging behind, and 50% said they missed important moments in their family life.
In a study conducted by the Pew Research Center in 2015, 50 percent of the fathers felt they were not enough as parents. In addition, these fathers said they spend time with their children and do not spend enough time at the same time.
Impact of perfectionism on children
Children who are nurtured by parents who have perfectionism tend to feel that they have failed because of the high expectations they have established. This is a factor that causes the child to grow up as a person with a negative tendency. In other words, it is possible to make it more successful than to be honest and concentrate on accomplishing achievements. Immature children learn important lessons as they grow and grow through mistakes. Also, you can realize many things by experiencing continuous failure without fear.
Ryan Hong, who has been studying the dark side of perfectionism, explains that parents' involvement in their children's lives can be a signal that makes them feel that it is not always enough. As a result, the child is afraid of even minor mistakes, and blames himself for being incomplete. Over time, these maladaptive perfectionism behaviors can develop severe depression, anxiety, and even suicidal symptoms. This has a detrimental effect on the mental health of the child.
Moreover, children who grow up under the parents of this tendency are more at risk of mental health problems. For example, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc., parents may hide their symptoms because they are afraid they will not listen to them. At the same time, parents may be pressured to make mistakes without interfering with all of the child's trivia without knowing these symptoms.
To reduce this negative effect, parents acknowledge that no one is perfect. Recognizing that even parents can not make their lives perfect, they should focus on improving their relationships with their children. Here are some ways you can do this.
1. The importance of language: It is important to praise your child for the right reasons. You should make your child feel that it is important to do their best in their field, while praising what they did well in school or in sports.
2. Communicate a healthy message of failure: Make sure that children learn from mistakes so they can accept failures. If you make a mistake, it is effective to inspire it to make it better next time.
3. Sometimes backing off: Parents play a role of supervision and management of their children, but they do not have to be thoroughly monitored every time. This makes the child more difficult and encourages them to challenge what they can do while resting if they feel burdened.