Children sometimes tell stories that are never true to be true. You may be worried if you see things that have never happened or that you have denied that something happened to avoid the consequences.
In fact, many children make a casual story during the growth process. "Childhood does not distinguish between truth and fiction," said Dr. Michael Brody, MD, of Fort McMurray, Maryland.
Especially, as the child grows up, the story level that he has made becomes elaborate, and some parents are worried about how to deal with it. Disciplining them so that they can not talk in a rush can hinder their creativity. Or worry that a child may have a problem that she can not speak even when she is troubled.
On the other hand, however, it is true that they want to raise their children as honest adults. It is important to know why children make stories because of this dilemma. What is contained in the fictional story that children make? Is it normal to do this, or should we worry?
Children usually lie when they are young. I can often see a slight lie for myself. Two to three-year-old babies lie when they think they have committed their own mistakes and want to hide them or have something. At this time, it is best not to drive a child who lies. In that case, the children will make more lies and will not tell the truth.
When I enter kindergarten, I start to talk about my friends in full-scale, or to say that there are monsters under my bed. It may be pure play, or it may be an act of projecting what you want or want to do.
Elizabeth Berger, a child psychiatrist and author of Raising Kids with Character, says, "This is not a lie in the strictest sense of the word," he says. But it is close to explaining how imaginative beings are vital, important, and prominent. "
Rather, if a child is delighted by the existence of an imaginary friend, the relationship with others in real life can be valued.
After entering the school, the children begin to lie for obvious reasons. Some of them confess that they have lied and learn sensitivity and awareness in the process. In other words, the children of this night will now know to lie in order not to offend others. Children of this age usually lie in good faith for reasons they can understand if they know the situation.
Children who are in their teens can now clearly distinguish between 'lies' and 'truths'. However, there are cases in which we do not know about the gray areas in between.
Teenagers increasingly build independent lives from their parents and have a lot of secrets in the process. This is a very normal phenomenon and not dishonest. Rather, it is a testament to the fact that your child is growing into a normal adult.
Why do children lie?
It is important to know when children are trying to solve the problem by lying. Knowing the reason helps you to avoid completely disconnecting with your child, to understand the motivation of your children, and to respond appropriately if you lie.
Let's look at some of the main reasons why children will not tell the truth.
1. To be recognized and to raise self-esteem
Children who lack self-confidence tend to lie to themselves and look to their parents, teachers, and peers for recognition and praise. This is not just to attract attention.
Children who are suffering from depression or anxiety ignore their own problems and build stories to avoid worrying about others.
2. Because of curiosity
Sometimes there are children who deliberately create stories and situations and want to see the results. Trying out various situations and watching the results. There is a desire to look at the mood and reaction of the other person.
3. Lying in good faith
Children also lie in good faith. In fact, it is one of the social technologies that consider the mood of others rather than lies.
Is my child's lie, normal?
Of course, when a child lies, he or she feels heartfelt. I want to stop lying anyway. From a developmental viewpoint, however, a lie is the first step in a child's understanding and formation of his or her own desires, emotions, perspectives, and belief systems.
Sometimes lying is a good signal. There are also studies showing that intelligent children are good at lying.
Angela Crossman, a professor of psychology at John Jay College in New York, said, "The higher the IQ, the higher the probability of lying."
But there is a lie that must be carefully watched and stopped. Lie is a sign of mental illness. A lie can be a symptom of a rebellious disorder or an early symptom of depression or anxiety.
Children constantly lie to conceal these mental illnesses, in which case they need to work to find out what is true.
What is the role of parents?
As adults, we lie much more than children. Therefore, it is necessary to think more generously about the lie of the children. Especially avoiding physical or verbal penalties for correcting the habit. As children scold, they do not speak the truth, but they are afraid to lie to lies.
It is important to constantly communicate with children and talk about emotional and moral issues. When I lie, I need to teach people what emotions they feel and what they have in telling the truth.
First of all, you have to check whether your child's story is really a lie. That is not to say to the child that you are not lying. You should create an atmosphere in which the child can speak the truth without being afraid.