There is a difference between the way of raising children and the way of value for the couple who raise children together. Excessively conflicting child-rearing laws encourage discord among couples and, in extreme cases, ruin a child's life.
Type of child care method
Diana Baum Lind Developmental psychologists have observed the behavior of preschool children (3-5 years old) as part of their child behavior research. Research shows that children's behavior is related to the parenting style. That is, parents' parenting laws affect children's behavior in front of people. In this regard, Baumlind introduced four famous methods of parenting.
1. Authoritarian parenting (high level of demand, low responsiveness)
Authoritarian parents expect much from their children. Also, set strict rules for your child to meet expectations. These parents are insensitive to communication and demand only that the child obey.
Children of authoritarian parents tend to be low self-esteem and unsuccessful in school life. Also, socialization may be difficult. In severe cases, the child grows up to suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness. It is highly likely to become a social maladjustment or criminal at the time.
2. Authoritative parenting (high requirement, high responsiveness)
It is a warm and recognizable parenting style. There are rules, but not strict. There are still high expectations that are still inevitable, but these parents do not spare their support. As a result, the child grows up as an adult with strong self-confidence. Because it is good in sociality and academic, it is unlikely to suffer from mental illness, maladjustment or criminality.
3. Generous parenting (high responsiveness, low urine composition)
A generous parent is warm, communicative, and willing to do everything the child wants. Since the child has few rules to follow, he or she may become self-centered or impulsive. Also, there are many cases that do not fit well with others because of social deficiency.
4. Indifferent parenting (low response, low demand)
Indifferent child care is also called neglected parental education. Indifferent parents do not spend a lot of time in raising their children, and they devote themselves to work or business. In this case, the child has a tendency to be impulsive and difficult to adapt to society. He is vulnerable to alcohol and drug addiction and has a high suicide rate.
On Parenting: Avoiding Demonstrations
Each parent may have different parenting attitudes. Parenting disputes arise from differences in the ways in which children are raised and disciplined. "The authoritative parenting is the ideal parenting method," said Barrywell Family, a daily living health website. "If all parents agreed to the parenting method, there would be no problem, but if not, a countermeasure is needed."
1. You must have a conversation. Negotiating the desired style of parenting and compromising is essential.
2. You have to create rules together. Domestic rules must be clear and concrete. It is also important to make sure you do not forget or change at any moment.
3. Determine the results together. Sometimes children will not obey the rules. Parents must decide together how to punish their child.
4. Support each other. Husbands and wives must continue to support each other from the perspective of observing and enforcing family rules. If one of your parents allows you to break certain rules, you can not be a model for your child.
5. You have to give a second chance. One parent should not blame others immediately for making a judgment mistake. Both parents can make mistakes. We should give each other a second chance.
6. Be flexible. Continue discussions about parenting, and change as the child grows physically and emotionally.
7. Do not change your opinion in front of the children. It is better not to show your children the controversy of your parents if you are not in a situation where you need to solve some big discrepancies or misunderstandings.
On the other hand, Brinagera and a blogger, a Danish woman in their early thirties, propose the following rules of family.
1. Establish a family rule so that the child is not confused. However, there is no need to hastily make intentional rules. Rules must have goals and be sustainable. It is also important to try to keep it realistic.
2. Responsibility and compensation should follow. It is effective to motivate them to think that they want to keep the rules of home.
3. Assumptions should be flexible because there is room for improvement if necessary.